Guys I’m not even kidding if you wanna be friends message me

rnedia:

i don’t understand why it’s illegal to have sex with a miner they provide us with coal and electricity they deserve a little fun

letterstogodptiii:

tea-books-and-blankets:

yaygocats:

discomplete:

“i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography

“I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel.

“I want to wear shorts but I don’t tan and I’d rather not blind you” The trilogy 

“I want to wear shorts but my huge dick always sticks out” a pop-up book

ambassador-of-anguish:

shouldertappingghosts:

If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.

This is perfect.

repeating-serenity:

my little brother wrote about me for school and this was one of the sentences he wrote. im sobbing “my sister is my role model because she can watch 12 years worth of law and order in 3 months”

cthulhu-with-a-fez:

too-stoned-to-remember:

Why do dogs go mental when they see another dog

I imagine that in their heads they’re like 

THAT IS DOG 

I AM DOG 

DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG

that’s like what happens when we see a member of our fandom in public

we’re just like

YOU ARE FAN

I AM FAN

FAN FAN FAN FAN FAN FAN

jesuschristvevo:

being hotter than me is selfish and rude